Why Does Shifting Your Dating Mindset Change Your Relationships?

I cannot tell you how many times as I was getting ready for a date, my mind was filled with questions about the other person and how they would react to and interact with me. I thought very little about how I would feel about the other person and it showed in my relationships.
I wondered what this other person would think about me, what they’d think about my physical appearance.
I wondered if they’d be impressed by me, my intelligence, etc.
I wondered if they’d think I was funny.
I feel like I can honestly say, I never wondered what I would think of them and their physical appearance. I never wondered if I’d be impressed by them and their intelligence, etc. I never wondered if I’d think they were funny.
If we are going into a date with all of the weight of the success of said date strapped to our backs with no connection to how the other person will impress us, we are taking on far too much of the responsibility of any possible future relationship for there to be a healthy exchange between us and this other person.
Why shouldn’t you ask what you’ll think and feel about a date? Why should you stay focused on the other person’s thoughts and feelings, even before you meet them? The answer is simple, you shouldn’t. There is nothing wrong with putting what you think and feel ahead of someone who at that point is practically a stranger to you. It’s not selfish or self-centered. It’s healthy boundary setting and only accepting responsibility for what you can control.
I’ve always felt, even when I was doing it, that putting more…